Why I hate Malawi

Not that I hate Malawi or Malawians...Malawians rock.....but it’s their ideas that I detest...the fact that they keep lying to each other that they  are a united people, that they are God fearing, that they are morally in check, that they are perfect and that angers me so.


Strong Lingua alert these thought came without ceremony

First we claim we are God fearing, but we hate, we judge, we suppress and oppress each other.

We claim we are united and a warm heart of Africa and yet we envy each other label each others tribes, we belong more to tribes than to country...

We claim to have a Malawian culture but spending three years in the village I have never seen it, just a stinking way of life full of swearing, gossip, jealousy and fornication...

We pretend a lot, that we are learned, that we are peaceful, that we are one that we are holy, that we are patient, that we are disciplined but tell that to a foreigner, but for me who has never been outside this country I know its all a sham...I could see it from my Sunday School days that we were being taught to live a lie.

Me idolize the US, no way, it is the Joyce Banda's and the Peter Muitharikas who are always referring to that part of town...it is Malawians who are buying the hip hop tracks and you that have abandoned Malawi footy for English teams...it is you that are not gracing Malawian shows for MTV, its you that worship TB Joshua and go all the way to buy his water..

It is you that buy Heinz Baked Beans from the US and ignores those from Mphompha or Chinkhoma...

It is you that pattern your literature to the foreign one, you that abandoned our god for an Israeli one...

It wasn’t me that let the foreigners acquire land in Thyolo, it is you that seek help from British lawyers in local cases; it is you that send your kids to the US...

Me hate Malawi? No way but What you call Malawian is what is fake and gross, it stinks like the crotch of a man that has been traveling all day, been to the toilet without a tissue and had a wet dream the previous night.

We all think we know better than the next man, but we know better that almost everything we think we know, we have been told and taught.

We are the biggest joke ever, Indians love us, fuck our women and deny us theirs, take all our money and import more of their brothers while we argue over who is supposed to put on mini skirts...

White people love us, we give them jobs, we lie that we are fifteen million so they ask for aid and give us peanuts withhold the rest to go on vacation in the Caribbean, they love the way we act like Mr. Beans when we see them..And they love black pussy too which they sometimes do not even have to pay for.

They love freely moving around in bum shorts when local women would be stoned if they dared.
They love mining our countryside and paying us peanuts, they love running our game reserves and "protecting" our animals only 'culling' a few and feeding some to their friends.

Politicians love us, fucking us from behind. Always appealing to our tribal greed and then getting rich alone, educating their kids in the US...

Let's go on arguing over which hole was made for the penis, we are so far doing great on the international reality show stage...we can even go ahead to ban farting or make sure nobody fucks their lady by any other position other than missionary.

We are so naive as to think that we are a country, what’s innit for being Malawian? I get to listen to Ntcheu hyenas hoot at night? Or go to Livingstonia Synod because the preachers at the nearby church are not my tribesmen?

I mean, come on! Why do we have so much HIV if we are morally in check? 50 thousand of us will have gotten HIV by December 31st, and yet none of us will admit to have had sex....yes, we are a cultured people.

We are so respectful, we are great families, the one incest and defilement cases per day are just blight in our perfect being. The prostitutes at Kamba go home with moneys from heaven, they are not bonked by stable husbands.

The catholic priest stick to their celibacy and the fatherless kids that resemble them are just an act of nature.

We ratify many conventions and actually implement them, we love our women it’s why we stripped them when they exposed too much skin, its bad for onlookers, of course the terabytes of porn we have in our PC's is just to douse the exuberance of youth...

The Universities are in tip top conditions, the journalism graduates that fail to use recorders were lazy, the unfinished syllabuses are just a short term problem and the students learning Motor Vehicle Mechanics on old Land Rover Engines will soon catch up with the latest KIA engines once they graduate.

Like come on, why do we love the sweetness of mediocrity? Where a president can appoint a sister to a high position and a brother to ministerial position and send dumb relatives on a merit-based scholarship to China and leave out bright students...its all normal?

Where journalists cannot write news because they haven't been paid by news-makers, I cannot call my home.

Yes, I know in Jamaica, where i long to run to, people have their own problems, but at least its the devil that's appealing.

A Political Parties Act for Malawi?

I think there are over 20 if not 35 political parties in Malawi, the problem is some are not even active. Some are owned by people who are in reality members of other parties but their ‘parties’ are still recognized as parties by the registrar of political parties.

Should there be sense in all this nonsense?

Should political parties that do not hold conventions, for example,  be de-registered? Should Malawi legislate for party activities such as financing, election of leaders etc in Malawi?

I spoke to several high flying names on the issue.

Dr. Henry Chingaipe started

 (Henry is a Malawian scholar who was the first successful nomination to the Commonwealth Scholarship Association by the IPPG (Research Programme Consortium for Improving Institutions for Pro-Poor Growth), after having worked on a research project based in Malawi with Adrian Leftwich, co-authoring a paper on 'The politics of State-Business Relations in Malawi'. The title of Henry's Ph.D. is 'Institution Formation, Maintenance and Change: the Politics of State-Business Relations in Malawi'.):

 Bright Mhango: What is your take? Should there be a law regulating how parties operate (Political Parties Act, for example)?

Dr. Chingaipe: I agree entirely with the proposal some activities of political parties must be regulated by law. The key issue to remember is that in democratic theory and practice, political parties are expected to be agents of democratisation. Given that political parties give regimes their character, it is important to regulate some activities of political parties especially those that are central to democratic values such as leadership selection, political financing and a few others.

I am a staunch advocate for a Political Parties Act which should establish a reasonable, democratic legal framework for political parties. So far, political parties have been left to their own devices and have essentially been captured by small elite that have treated them as personal fiefdoms. This has seriously affected the deepening and broadening of democratic ethos in politics.

The evidence since 1994 suggests clearly that our political system is on its way to becoming an entrenched defective democracy largely because of acute shortage of democratic practice in political parties. Regulating political parties or aspects thereof is not an alien idea. One country that offers good precedent in terms of a Political Parties Act is Germany and there are a few others. In Malawi the intention is not new either.

 The 1993 Political Parties Act has in its title the words ‘registration’ and ‘regulation’. Unfortunately, the Act stops at dealing with matters around registration and says nothing of substance with respect to ‘regulation’.

However, I do not agree with the proposal that failure to hold a convention should automatically lead to de-registration of the party. If there should be a single factor that leads to de-registration, my view is that that factor should be failure of the party to field candidates in a general election. This is because political parties exist to contest for political power and the only way to do that in a democratic system is to participate in an election by fielding candidates. A party that does not field candidates therefore loses the reason for its existence. It simply becomes an interest group that fits in another category of  organisations other than political parties.

Mhango: What would be the merits (or demerits) of such legislation?

Dr. Chingaipe: The merits or demerits of regulating aspects of political parties will depend on the substance of the actual provisions of the law. However, a general standard is that the provisions should be couched in a way that protects the democratic values especially in so far as they accord the people full rights within parties; promote accountability and transparency and compel decency and integrity in the practice of partisan politics.

Mhango: What other blights do our political parties have that can be legislated for?

Dr. Chingaipe: There are quite a number of issues. These include the holding of annual party conferences (conventions), political financing, candidate selection, defections (and anti-defections) and many others that a systematic study can bring out.

Mhango: Some people would say that conventions do not actually reflect democracy in the party, is this true for Malawi’s political parties?

Dr. Chingaipe: Of course conventions are not necessarily a good indicator of  the depth of democracy within a political party especially when the conventions can be manipulated in different ways depending on the agenda of the convention itself.

The key issue in Malawi is that whenever conventions have been held since 1994, the main agenda item has been to elect office bearers and that has been characterised with lots of undemocratic machinations for all the political parties.

It gives the impression that in so far as choosing party leaders, conventions have been used to legitimise choices that have been made outside the conventions and mostly in very undemocratic manner. So not all conventions are democratic in their outcomes.

 However, if conventions or party conferences become an annual obligation for political parties, they will be used to articulate policy positions and to demand accountability from the party leaderships as well from from the ‘parliamentary group’ of the parties etc. That will enhance democracy.

Mhango: How can we make sure that parties have representative and free and fair conventions?

Dr. Chingaipe: My view is that representation at party conventions should be left to political parties themselves depending on their structures. The Political Parties Act can only set the standard but party constitutions would spell out clearly how they would meet the standard.

I also asked Billy Mayaya, human rights activist

(Billy came to prominence when he was recruited as a Programme Facilitator for Church and Society, the Human Rights and Advocacy department of the Church of Central African Presbyterian, the second largest denomination in Malawi after the Catholic Church)

Mhango: What is your take? Should there be a law regulating how parties operate (Political Parties Act, for example)?

Mayaya: The primacy of regulating political parties is paramount in ensuring that both inter and intraparty democracy flourishes. It will also lessen the prevalence of individuals forming parties just to soothe their wounded egos. Ensuring the legal framework focuses on regulation is therefore a critical development in my view.

Mhango: What would be the merits (or demerits) of such legislation?

Mayaya: In my view, there are more merits than demerits in regulating political parties in that they will encourage more popular participation, and lessen the propensity of party founders to view the parties they've formed as their fiefdoms.  

Mhango: What other blights do our political parties have that can be legislated for?

Mayaya: There is need to level the playing field in terms of party financing. It is an open secret that there is need to regulate party financing as current trends show that there is lack of transparency and accountability in terms of disclosure particularly by parties in government who have a multiplicity of sources including illicit ones 

Mhango: Some people would say that conventions do not actually reflect democracy in the party, is this true for Malawi’s political parties? Any names or examples?

Mayaya: Conventions are a microcosm of the wider general elections in that they help parties to internalise pluralism and supporters to exercise their choices. In the recent past we have had incidents where conventions took place with questionable outcomes eg cooked results. The voting public are aware of these anomalies. However, the more political parties subject themselves to a convention and to oversight to regulatory bodies the less the likelihood of manipulation. 

Mhango: How can we make sure that parties have representative and free and fair conventions?

Mayaya: there is need for stringent monitoring of political parties as well as continous enforcement of the law related to their regulation

I also spoke to Rafiq Hajat, Policy Analyst.

(Rafiq Hajat is a prominent Malawian civil rights activist. He was born in Blantyre. He is the director for the Institute for Policy Interaction in Malawi. He received a B.A. in political science at Saint Xavier College in India in 1975)

Mhango: What is your take? Should there be a law regulating how parties operate (Political Parties Act, for example)?

Hajat: There is already legislation on registration & regulation of political parties.

Mhango: What would be the merits (or demerits) of such legislation?

The law is applied selectively & thus becomes yet another weapon in the arsenal of the party in Hajat: power.

Mhango: What other blights do our political parties have that can be legislated for?

Hajat: Adherence to their constitutions, sources of & accounting for funding.

Mhango: Some people would say that conventions do not actually reflect democracy in the party, is this true for Malawi’s political parties? Any names or examples?

Hajat: Conventions are the fora where the roots of the party, the rank & file, have the opportunity to influence party policies & choose their leaders. Any obviation of the event would therefore constitute denial of their democratic rights and dilute the leadership's mandate.

Mhango: How can we make sure that parties have representative and free and fair conventions?

Hajat: By transparency & accountability at all levels

Mhango: Any other comment

Hajat: It is imperative for political parties to evolve with a sound ideological base, for they are the basic building blocks of a multi-party democracy & weak parties would therefore make a weak democracy!

Response

This did not impress Kamlepo Kaluwa leader of Malawi Democratic Party, which many describe as a briefcase party.

“I think people are arguing out of emotion, conventions need money, up to K40 million to gather people, eat and sleep to elect a leader, that money can be used for party mobilisation and helping many needy Malawians.

“What is the use of a convention if it changes nothing? Why hold a smokescreen convention where the leadership will not change, what do you get from that? To hell with conventions,” Bellowed Kalua.

Kalua then trashed Mayaya’s assertion that parties should be checked in the way they acquire party funding saying unless the money is coming from government, there is no justification for the state to pry into the private affairs of a party.

“It’s not practical, does a wife ask how much money a husband spend on beers, where is democracy then if the state is going to interfere with parties? Unless the money is coming from government, they can audit parties, but if its from private citizens with the party, there is no need,” said Kalua.

You have heard the others, What say you?