Vishuli Mbunthu – Kwini Nayo Ali Napo Pamsundu

 Kopa yayi, lekezyani mphepo. Vishuli mbunthu. 

Vishuli vinamazina ghanandi, Waswahili wakuviti Mashuzi, waku Speni wakuti  pedo  waku Russia na ma bwilibwishi yawo wakuti Perdet, Majapanizi wakuviti onara, ma Harabo wakuti yatakao, Mazulu yakuti Suza,  kweni pali mitundu yiwiri ya wanthu iyo yili kuvipa vishuli mazina ghakwenerera umo nkhuonera ine: ma Tchainizi chishuli wakuchiti Piiiiih… wanyakhe ni Mafalansa ayo yakuvichema lu peeeeeh.

Mitundu ya Vishuli

Chakofya chomene chishuli nichila chikwiza na seko…iwe ukuti useke, mbe uku josi tolotolo….ku Mlomo ha ha ha, kumsundu pe pe pe! Mtundu uwu ukuchitikaso pa ku yethemula or paku khosomola. Aliyese pagulu akuti waka kumlomo mwazi, nakuti ungakanaso yayi.

Chishuli chinyankhe ntcha u Ninja…no kupulikika kweni kunkhunkha nga pafwila ntchewi pamalo.

Ichi nkhopa ini ntchishuli chautesi…. Nyengo zinyakhe dazi lose mtown munthumbo nga ukhumba kunya mavi, kuchimbira kuluta ku Chimbuzi mbwe kusanga kuti ntchishuli. Betele ichi, kweni pali Chinyakhe chautesi, iwe ukuti ah, ntchishuli waka, uti pwee, mbwe kamphingiri kadikidiki kafuma kali mpanti.  No Mtende munthu uli mu minibasi olo kuntchito.

Mtundu unyakhe ukuwa nga bomba, pamsundu nga pakeluka, aliyense mu class kuchita kuchuluka na ntchewe uwo kubweta.

Chinyakhe ntchakwaya, pakwamba nga alto, mbwe besi nakumaliro nga mbata za wa mikayele.

Chinyankhe ntcha wu 007 Cha ma spy:  Pagulu munthu ukuthira da ka 1 percent pera, pala kalije saundi kweniso kalije sungo, mbwe kulekezya 99% yosi.

Chinyakhe nichila chikwiza na ukali, kwamba kupulika mnthumbo mukubwata, kupulika mphepo yikhwikha, pala chafuma kuchita kupulika kupepuka.  

Kwe ka Vishuli nivichi nakuti tikunyerachi vishuli?

Vishuli ni mphepo. Pala tikulya tikumila chakulya kumoza na mphepo, tinamwawi mphepo izi tikufumizyila ku msundu, ng’ombe zikunyera vishuli ku mlomo. Tinamwawi. Mphepo zinyake zikupangika mu nthumbo. Pala talya chakulya chikugayika mu nthumbo na ma asidi na tuvibungu twa bactéria. Kukufuma mphepo ngati methane, hydrogen carbon diaoxide, Amonia. Pakulya tikumila oxygen, Nitrogen ... mphepo izi pala zasazyikana ndizo zikupanga vishuli vyakununkha.

Pali vyakulya vinyakhe ivyo vikutemwa kutipasa mphepo izi pala talya: Masumbi, Ntchunga na kwawanyakhe awo mkaka ukuwakana – mkaka.

Wasayansi wakuti munthu aliyose pazuwa akunya vishuli vyakukwana 1 litre kuti waka mwa one litre iyi, vyakunukha vikuwa vichoko.

Tose tikunya

Wanthu wanyake wali kutolana kwa vyaka 50 kweni wandampulikepo muoli wawo akunya vishuli, chomene chomene pa chibwezi, pagulu, kunthito na pagulu vishuli nivyakupokeleleka chara. Kweni ivi vili nthena chifukwa tawanthu tikujipusika kuti ndise wakupambana na vinyama.

Unenesho wake ngwakuti tose tina pamsundu. Tose tikunya mavi. Tose tikunya vishuli. Tose tikuvikelula.

Vishuli tikamba kuving’ola nikale. Pythagoras yula wakatipa Pythagoras theorem ku Samuzi akati wati uyo wakutemwa kunya vishuli akufwa lubiro. Iyo akatenge wati pala imwe mukulya ntchunga imwe, by eating beans, you could fart your soul out and die.

Benjamin Franklin, uyo nimunthu wakutumbikika mu mbiri ya Amerika – mpaka mwahunu pano ali pa Ndalama yaku America- nayo akayoyowapo vya vishuli. Akalemba kalata kuluta ku wupu wa ma Scientists yaku Europe. Kalatya yakhe akayichema ‘Fart Proudly’ - ‘Nyani Vishuli Mwakufwasa.’ Mukalata iyi iyo akadandaula kuti vishuli wanthu wakuvitinkha ndipo akasachizya kuti wanthu wa vyasayansi wasange munkhwala wakuti wanthu walyenge kumoza na chakulya kuti palawakunya vishuli viwenge ngati perfume kweninso vyambula kutinkhika.

Mankhwala agha ghandasangike mpaka mwahuno kweni vikate viwenge vyakusekesha kuti munyakhe ayasangenge. Mpha kuli ma flavour ya vishuli mmaminibus. Wanthu wa Ndalama mpha wakunya vishuli vya Vanilla na mafungo yakudula.

Kweni ine nkhukola mazgo ya mufalansa yunji zina lake Michel De Montaigne. Michel Di Montaigne wakalemba mu buku lakhe kuti:  On the highest throne in the world, we are seated, still, upon our arses.’ And, lest we forget: ‘Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies.’

Michel wakayowopaso za St. Augustine, mmoza mwa wanthu awo wakambisha ma tchalitchi pachalo, Augustine akalembapo za munthu yumo uyo akanyanga vishuli apo wakhumbila, na munyakhe uyo akanyanga vishuli nga lusumu.

Di Montaigne wakutichisya kuti tileke kopa kunya vishuli, ndise vinyama, tikulya, tikunya.

Nanga uli akuyowoya ntheura De Montaigne, ndise wanthu wamahara, kweniso research yinyakhe yili kusanga kuti mu vishuli mukuwa tuvibungu tula twa bacteria tula. Sono ni betele kuti pagulu or pafupi navyakulya tinganyanga vishuli bwekabweka chara.

Kweni pala tanya mwasoka, kopa yayi, yowoyani waka kachizungu kakuti ‘excuse me’ kuti mugule visa...or pala mungamanya, waphalirani wanyinu awo za De Montaigne.

Pali vishuli vinu vyalutilizya unandi lutani ku Chipatala, ingawa colon câncer iyo yikupangisha vishuli ninandi mwakulutizga.

Waphalirani wa neba winu, neba, uli na msundu – neba, ukunya vishuli nga ine!